Question:   My 19 year old son is going away to college.  Is there anything I can do to encourage him on the company he keeps and the choices he will be making?

Answer:   This is a good question because when a loved one goes away he tends to either be a follower or a leader.  I hope he is a leader.  I always recommend you purchase two of our Reality Check Program DVD’s.  Keep one and watch it yourself.   You can then talk to your son about making choice with some serious consequences.  Consequences that you probably never had to endure.  Say something like this, “Be careful tonight, and remember what Mr. Lawton went through”.  Never harp on your son.  Remind him to watch the DVD with his new found friends.  They will all think before they act.  He is an adult, but will always be your son.  Opening and keeping an open dialogue is the best thing you can do to help your young adult son. 

Good luck and I applaud you for being pro-active.

Talk to your children on a daily basis.  Find out what is going on in their lives, and most importantly, listen to them.

Make a plan. Before you engage your teen in a conversation, you’ll need to prepare yourself. Go for a walk, sit where you can’t be disturbed, and think. Reflect on the facts of the situation. Try to avoid negative feelings of anger and betrayal—as they won’t be useful to you in this conversation and may result in your child tuning out. Organize your thoughts. Decide what you want to say to your teen. Think about what resources you might need: a counselor, your faith leader, a school counselor, etc. Keep a dated journal of your feelings, discussions, and progress so that you can begin to identify a pattern of behavior.

Present the facts. Set the tone wisely. Open the discussion with a statement of your love and concern for your teen. You could begin with a statement of the facts as you know them: you found drug paraphernalia in their room; your teen has violated curfews; their grades have slipped; your teen has changed from being a “good kid” to someone who is getting into trouble at home, or school, or in the community; or simply, you have noticed your teen has become quiet, secretive and has changed from the kid you used to know.

Listen. After presenting the facts as you see them, ask your teen for his/her response to the information you’ve presented. Listen to your teen. Hear what he or she is saying. Try to determine if the problem is beyond your ability to help and therefore need to bring in a professional.

Discuss. The next step is to discuss the shared information. This may be the most difficult part, as the tendency for both you and your teen will be to respond angrily to each other. Don’t accept flimsy excuses. Be steady and consistent in your approach. Don’t get lulled into “looking the other way” because it’s easier. Know that you are doing the right thing.

Set Rules. Firmly and warmly make it very clear that you will not tolerate drug or alcohol use by your teen. Identify the consequences if they do use. Some parents find it hard to set down clear rules. For these parents, it might help if they commiserate with their teen. For example, “I know it’s difficult that I have to make these rules. But I wouldn’t be a good parent to you if I didn’t take care of your safety and make them.”

Some parents find it hard to remember to be affectionate while making clear rules. This parent may want to begin by recalling with the teen a time in the past when the teen followed a rule with good results. For example, “Remember the rule we have about doing your homework before any other activity? And look how well that worked out because you did so well in school.”

Set Clear Consequences – Reward Good Behavior. Let your teen know that you will be holding him/her accountable for his/her actions—and that there will be consequences for not following the rules such as loss of privileges or restricting their curfew. Also consider offering incentives or rewards. “Catch them” doing something right.

Road Blocks. Don’t be surprised if your teen gets up and walks away in anger. Let everyone cool down and prepare to have the conversation again. Some ways your teen may try to deflect the conversation are by saying: “Why are you making this such a big deal. Everybody does it.” “That’s not my stash; I was just holding it for a friend.” ”I only used once; I don’t hang out with those kids any more.” No matter what they say, calmly remind them, that nothing excuses your teen from using drugs or alcohol.

Continue the Conversation. Determine a time when you and your teen will have the next talk. Talking to your kids about drugs is a continuous process—not an event. Let your teen know that you will be having another “meeting” with him or her to check in. However, if you find that you’re having the same conversation over and over and your message isn’t being heard, you may want to seek assistance from a health professional or coach.

Learn More – Visit PARENTS – Anti Drug

Key Talking Points

Sample Conversations

Listen live at Reality Check Radio or station WMEL -1300 AM on your radio dial, Melbourne, Florida on the radio Saturdays, from 10:00am – 11:00am

The Reality Check Radio Show features Lawrence Lawton, President and Founder of the Reality Check Program.

He is not their Father, Mother, Teacher, Counselor, or the Police; he is an ex-con and Paralegal with a passion for helping teens and young adults.

Lawrence Lawton spent 11 years in some of the toughest federal prisons in the country. He was convicted of racketeering in connection with jewelry robberies. Upon his release from prison, he founded the Reality Check Program.

Lawton now tells kids and adults how he lost time, his family, friends and his freedom; and that it just wasn’t worth it. Lawton changes the way kids think. It’s all about choices, and Lawton’s passion makes him a leader in the field.

Listen live at Reality Check Radio or station WMEL -1300 AM on your radio dial, Melbourne, Florida on the radio Saturdays, from 10:00am – 11:00am

The Reality Check Radio Show features Lawrence Lawton, President and Founder of the Reality Check Program.

He is not their Father, Mother, Teacher, Counselor, or the Police; he is an ex-con and Paralegal with a passion for helping teens and young adults.

Lawrence Lawton spent 11 years in some of the toughest federal prisons in the country. He was convicted of racketeering in connection with jewelry robberies. Upon his release from prison, he founded the Reality Check Program.

Lawton now tells kids and adults how he lost time, his family, friends and his freedom; and that it just wasn’t worth it. Lawton changes the way kids think. It’s all about choices, and Lawton’s passion makes him a leader in the field.

Listen live at Reality Check Radio or station WMEL -1300 AM on your radio dial, Melbourne, Florida on the radio Saturdays, from 10:00am – 11:00am

The Reality Check Radio Show features Lawrence Lawton, President and Founder of the Reality Check Program.

He is not their Father, Mother, Teacher, Counselor, or the Police; he is an ex-con and Paralegal with a passion for helping teens and young adults.

Lawrence Lawton spent 11 years in some of the toughest federal prisons in the country. He was convicted of racketeering in connection with jewelry robberies. Upon his release from prison, he founded the Reality Check Program.

Lawton now tells kids and adults how he lost time, his family, friends and his freedom; and that it just wasn’t worth it. Lawton changes the way kids think. It’s all about choices, and Lawton’s passion makes him a leader in the field.

Listen live at Reality Check Radio or station WMEL -1300 AM on your radio dial, Melbourne, Florida on the radio Saturdays, from 10:00am – 11:00am

The Reality Check Radio Show features Lawrence Lawton, President and Founder of the Reality Check Program.

He is not their Father, Mother, Teacher, Counselor, or the Police; he is an ex-con and Paralegal with a passion for helping teens and young adults.

Lawrence Lawton spent 11 years in some of the toughest federal prisons in the country. He was convicted of racketeering in connection with jewelry robberies. Upon his release from prison, he founded the Reality Check Program.

Lawton now tells kids and adults how he lost time, his family, friends and his freedom; and that it just wasn’t worth it. Lawton changes the way kids think. It’s all about choices, and Lawton’s passion makes him a leader in the field.

Listen live at Reality Check Radio or station WMEL -1300 AM on your radio dial, Melbourne, Florida on the radio Saturdays, from 10:00am – 11:00am

The Reality Check Radio Show features Lawrence Lawton, President and Founder of the Reality Check Program.

He is not their Father, Mother, Teacher, Counselor, or the Police; he is an ex-con and Paralegal with a passion for helping teens and young adults.

Lawrence Lawton spent 11 years in some of the toughest federal prisons in the country. He was convicted of racketeering in connection with jewelry robberies. Upon his release from prison, he founded the Reality Check Program.

Lawton now tells kids and adults how he lost time, his family, friends and his freedom; and that it just wasn’t worth it. Lawton changes the way kids think. It’s all about choices, and Lawton’s passion makes him a leader in the field.

Listen live at Reality Check Radio or station WMEL -1300 AM on your radio dial, Melbourne, Florida on the radio Saturdays, from 10:00am – 11:00am

The Reality Check Radio Show features Lawrence Lawton, President and Founder of the Reality Check Program.

He is not their Father, Mother, Teacher, Counselor, or the Police; he is an ex-con and Paralegal with a passion for helping teens and young adults.

Lawrence Lawton spent 11 years in some of the toughest federal prisons in the country. He was convicted of racketeering in connection with jewelry robberies. Upon his release from prison, he founded the Reality Check Program.

Lawton now tells kids and adults how he lost time, his family, friends and his freedom; and that it just wasn’t worth it. Lawton changes the way kids think. It’s all about choices, and Lawton’s passion makes him a leader in the field.

Listen live at Reality Check Radio or station WMEL -1300 AM on your radio dial, Melbourne, Florida on the radio Saturdays, from 10:00am – 11:00am

The Reality Check Radio Show features Lawrence Lawton, President and Founder of the Reality Check Program.

He is not their Father, Mother, Teacher, Counselor, or the Police; he is an ex-con and Paralegal with a passion for helping teens and young adults.

Lawrence Lawton spent 11 years in some of the toughest federal prisons in the country. He was convicted of racketeering in connection with jewelry robberies. Upon his release from prison, he founded the Reality Check Program.

Lawton now tells kids and adults how he lost time, his family, friends and his freedom; and that it just wasn’t worth it. Lawton changes the way kids think. It’s all about choices, and Lawton’s passion makes him a leader in the field.

This article is all over the place.  “Indebted ex-offenders: a volatile situation”.   This article and my quote is appearing everywhere and I am glad a subject like this is being addressed.  What is the answer you might ask?  How about, lets try keeping people out of prison.  Lets spend some money on programs like mine BEFORE people make choices that will land them in jail.  The benefits to society are beyond comprehension.  Just think about it.